1
00:00:08,270 --> 00:00:09,589
Daddy!

2
00:00:11,190 --> 00:00:14,307
- Oh...
- It's all right, munchkin. Dad's here.

3
00:00:14,350 --> 00:00:16,545
I'm so happy. I can't believe you're really out.

4
00:00:16,590 --> 00:00:19,787
I ain't going anywhere.
They ain't going to split us up again.

5
00:00:19,830 --> 00:00:22,503
I'm going to take you away from all this crap.

6
00:00:22,550 --> 00:00:26,941
I've already set us up with a nice little place
in London. You leave it all to me.

7
00:00:26,990 --> 00:00:29,379
Oh, but, Dad,
it might not be that easy, you know.

8
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,739
Things are different now. It's a different world.

9
00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:33,781
(Phone ringing)

10
00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:36,820
What the bleeding hell are you doing?

11
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:42,183
Oh, it's a mobile phone, Dad.
Yeah, I've got so much to tell you.

12
00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:46,018
I can see it's a mobile phone, darling,
but why are wasting your time with a C410?

13
00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:49,221
Why don't you upgrade to the D730?
You get 1.3 megapixels.

14
00:00:49,270 --> 00:00:52,342
- How do you know that?
- I read an article in last month's Wired.

15
00:00:52,390 --> 00:00:54,665
I was in prison, treacle,
not on the fucking moon.

16
00:00:54,710 --> 00:00:57,622
- Let me buy you some egg and bacon, eh?
- That'll hit the spot!

17
00:00:57,670 --> 00:01:00,821
- Here, no toast, though, I'm on the Atkins.
- Oh, are you?

18
00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:13,139
So, I'm upstairs, with Yelena,
I'm barely through the door when she's, like,

19
00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:16,899
"Do you want oral? Do you want poppers?
Do you want me to ride you with a strap-on?"

20
00:01:16,950 --> 00:01:18,827
- Right.
- I tell you, since we got married

21
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,782
it's like question after bloody question!

22
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:24,626
Must be the same with you and Pippa.

23
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:28,948
Yeah, yeah. Well, no, not a... strap-on.

24
00:01:28,990 --> 00:01:32,824
I mean, I would do it with her.
It's just it's not that sexy when it's the wife.

25
00:01:32,870 --> 00:01:35,020
But it is a sham marriage?

26
00:01:35,070 --> 00:01:38,585
I suppose so. I'm quite looking forward
to next Thursday, actually.

27
00:01:38,630 --> 00:01:43,021
Getting divorced. My God!
Yelena's going to get it that night.

28
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,868
Right, Michael, Hayley's ready for you.

29
00:01:48,070 --> 00:01:51,426
Well... enjoy the ride.

30
00:01:51,470 --> 00:01:56,305
I doubt it, mate. Her indoors licked honey
off my bollocks on our wedding night,

31
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,422
and all I could think was the spark's gone.

32
00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:03,109
So, Nokajima's our biggest overseas client,

33
00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:07,143
and so Phil Benson, "Mr Reliable", he goes...
Oh, thank you.

34
00:02:07,190 --> 00:02:10,341
He goes to all the trouble
of translating this e-mail into Japanese,

35
00:02:10,390 --> 00:02:13,462
and then forgets to put
the bloody attachment on it!

36
00:02:13,510 --> 00:02:16,900
How that clown ever got into
middle management I will never know.

37
00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:21,546
So, one phone call from Japan later,
and he resends the e-mail,

38
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:24,263
this time with the attachment.

39
00:02:25,190 --> 00:02:28,580
- Are you all right?
- Oh, yeah, I'm fine, babe.

40
00:02:28,630 --> 00:02:32,464
It's just that normally
you tend to laugh at my work anecdotes.

41
00:02:32,510 --> 00:02:34,626
I'm sorry, I'm just a bit...

42
00:02:34,670 --> 00:02:38,219
- Have I ever mentioned my dad to you?
- No. Why?

43
00:02:38,270 --> 00:02:40,340
Well, he got let out of prison this week.

44
00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:42,665
Gosh. What did he do to be put in prison?

45
00:02:42,710 --> 00:02:45,065
Well, my dad's always been
a bit of a Jack the Lad.

46
00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:46,987
You know that programme set in Peckham?

47
00:02:47,030 --> 00:02:49,544
"You plonker, Rodney."
"Lovely jubbly", and all that?

48
00:02:49,590 --> 00:02:51,421
- Only Fools And Horses.
- That's it.

49
00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:55,304
My dad was watching it in the pub,
and some bloke kept talking, so he stabbed him.

50
00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:57,739
- God! What happened?
- Oh, it's really funny.

51
00:02:57,790 --> 00:03:00,827
Grandad was unscrewing this chandelier,
but it was the wrong one...

52
00:03:00,870 --> 00:03:02,826
No, what happened to the bloke in the pub?

53
00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:06,067
Oh. He lived. Well, if you can call it a life.

54
00:03:06,110 --> 00:03:09,022
Dad got seven years for ABH. Silly sausage!

55
00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:11,903
Yes, he sounds like quite a... character.

56
00:03:11,950 --> 00:03:14,862
Yeah, but he's different now.
He's got a degree and everything.

57
00:03:14,910 --> 00:03:18,823
He wants me to go and live with him in London.
Says we can start again.

58
00:03:18,870 --> 00:03:23,500
You mean, leave here?
But you're not going to go away, are you?

59
00:03:23,550 --> 00:03:28,829
I dunno. It's just, I've always wanted to be
an actress or a model or a personality, and...

60
00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:31,589
Well, I'm not getting any younger.
I look all right now,

61
00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:34,906
but what are these going
to look like when I'm 21? It's now or never.

62
00:03:34,950 --> 00:03:38,067
Yeah, but you don't have to go to London.

63
00:03:38,110 --> 00:03:41,420
Michael, you're lucky.
You've achieved all your dreams right here.

64
00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:44,542
Well, the financial services thing
was more of a backup dream.

65
00:03:44,590 --> 00:03:47,787
Actually, when I was 11,
I dreamed of being Steve Davis' bodyguard.

66
00:03:47,830 --> 00:03:50,219
You know, martial arts and...

67
00:03:50,270 --> 00:03:53,899
It definitely panned out, but...
Still, I did get a very nice letter off Steve.

68
00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:58,466
I suppose all my friends are here and...
Well, Maureen's always been a really great boss.

69
00:03:58,510 --> 00:04:00,740
You've got to think about what you're giving up.

70
00:04:00,790 --> 00:04:05,625
You know, you've got a very steady income,
you've got a very solid client base,

71
00:04:05,670 --> 00:04:10,539
You've got a very good tax position, and we can
keep having out little evenings together.

72
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,299
Oh, what am I saying?

73
00:04:14,350 --> 00:04:17,820
I'm being such a bad friend.
Of course you should go to London.

74
00:04:17,870 --> 00:04:20,338
- Do you really think so?
- Yes!

75
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:23,063
You're young and talented and beautiful.

76
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:27,422
You could do anything you want. You're far too
good to be stuck here, working as a prostitute.

77
00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:31,782
Oh, thank you, Michael, you've always
believed in me. Oh, I'm so excited!

78
00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:34,822
Hey, there's loads of parties
every night in London.

79
00:04:34,870 --> 00:04:36,986
And premieres and restaurants and...

80
00:04:37,030 --> 00:04:39,021
The Hogwart Express!

81
00:04:39,870 --> 00:04:42,100
- Careful.
- Sorry.

82
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:44,300
(Barry) Yelena,
what are you in a mood for now?

83
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:47,865
All I said was I could not tidy up
because I'm manacled to a bed

84
00:04:47,910 --> 00:04:52,062
with a cue ball up my baulk pocket,
and crim snot all over my face!

85
00:04:52,110 --> 00:04:55,341
(Yelena) It wasn't what you said,
it was the way you said it.

86
00:04:55,390 --> 00:04:57,620
(Bed creaking rhythmically)

87
00:04:58,110 --> 00:04:59,338
Ooh!

88
00:04:59,390 --> 00:05:02,587
You do realise you'll have to start
at the bottom, get a proper job?

89
00:05:02,630 --> 00:05:04,905
Oh, I don't even know how to get a proper job.

90
00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:09,546
It might say "Financial Services Advisor"
on my desk, but I think you'll find

91
00:05:09,590 --> 00:05:12,229
- I know a thing or two about recruitment.
- Ooh!

92
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,261
- Do you have a CV?
- What's that?

93
00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:16,619
It's like a little mini-biography of yourself.

94
00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:18,501
We start with you name...

95
00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:20,381
Real, or working?

96
00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:24,025
Wh... You mean... Hayley isn't your real name?

97
00:05:24,070 --> 00:05:28,188
Of course not, silly. One of the first things
Maureen made me do was get a working name.

98
00:05:28,230 --> 00:05:32,348
Oh, we argued about it loads. She said I should
pick a name from my favourite film,

99
00:05:32,390 --> 00:05:35,223
so I called myself Chocolait.
It's, like, French and sexy.

100
00:05:35,270 --> 00:05:37,420
- Oh, right.
- But then I found out

101
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:41,429
that, well, in this line of work offering
chocolate is actually a technical term.

102
00:05:41,470 --> 00:05:44,109
- I see.
- So then I moved on to a name

103
00:05:44,150 --> 00:05:48,746
from one of my past lives. I was regressed back,
and it turns out that seven lives ago

104
00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:51,588
I was the eldest daughter
of this Inca king, Yupanqui.

105
00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:53,461
Oh, it was so romantic.

106
00:05:53,510 --> 00:05:56,422
I killed myself for love in Lake Titicaca.

107
00:05:56,470 --> 00:05:59,030
Gosh. And what was that name?

108
00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:00,867
Hayley.

109
00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:03,060
Well, I'll just put "Hayley", then...

110
00:06:03,910 --> 00:06:05,901
Hayley.

111
00:06:06,590 --> 00:06:10,105
Then we list your educational qualifications.
How many O levels?

112
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:12,823
It's not O levels any more, silly. It's GCSEs.

113
00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:15,703
Oh, of course. So, how many GCSEs?

114
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:19,709
- None.
- Well, it's not all academic qualifications.

115
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:23,538
There's extra-curricular things as well.
Did you ever do the Duke of Edinburgh?

116
00:06:23,590 --> 00:06:26,946
God, no, he's well old!
He's like the king, or summink.

117
00:06:26,990 --> 00:06:31,222
I'm not sure just how helpful
I'm going to be, here, Hayley.

118
00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:36,469
Oh, you're being amazingly helpful! I don't know
nothing about any of this. Please, Michael.

119
00:06:36,510 --> 00:06:39,820
Well, all right. Just be confident, be yourself.

120
00:06:39,870 --> 00:06:42,430
One tip I have for people
going up for job interview

121
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:45,621
is try and have a question ready for the end,
something intelligent.

122
00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:48,946
Maybe, without being too pushy,
you could ask about the pay structure.

123
00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:51,823
Oh, thanks, babe. That is helpful.

124
00:06:52,390 --> 00:06:55,302
So then
I just put my knickers back on and leave?

125
00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:02,141
I can't believe I'm actually going.

126
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:05,668
I don't know
what I'm gonna do without you, Kate.

127
00:07:06,030 --> 00:07:08,100
Oh, you'll have such an amazing life.

128
00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:12,789
Promise me you'll get that degree
and find a nice man and settle down.

129
00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:16,425
Then one day you'll be sat on your porch,
grandkids on your knee,

130
00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:19,021
and you'll look up at a star.

131
00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:22,506
And maybe somewhere in London
I'll be looking at the same one.

132
00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:25,622
And you'll know I'll be sending you my love
from across the heavens.

133
00:07:25,670 --> 00:07:28,901
Yeah, or you could just text.
Or, if you can wait 27 minutes,

134
00:07:28,950 --> 00:07:30,986
hop on a train and tell me face-to-face.

135
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,861
(Yelena sobs)

136
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,980
Sorry, I am emotional.

137
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:38,022
It reminds me,
I never said goodbye to my friends in Vukovar.

138
00:07:38,070 --> 00:07:40,584
We throw some clothes in a bag, climb into car,

139
00:07:40,630 --> 00:07:42,985
drive all night to the border,

140
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:46,102
We barely have time
to set fire to church and school.

141
00:07:46,150 --> 00:07:49,062
Aw... Well, that's just so sad.

142
00:07:49,830 --> 00:07:52,298
Oh, everyone's been so lovely to me.

143
00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:55,467
Even old Mr Walker said
he left me a little present upstairs.

144
00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:57,865
Never mind, love,
Naomi will clear it up for you.

145
00:07:57,910 --> 00:08:02,142
Oh! You didn't need to buy me a leaving cake!

146
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,785
Leaving cake? Ah, yeah, leaving cake.

147
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:10,183
And I got you a leaving burger
and leaving chips and some leaving gravy.

148
00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:12,461
<i>(News on TV)</i>

149
00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:14,501
<i>(Sirens blaring)</i>

150
00:08:18,390 --> 00:08:20,381
<i>(News theme)</i>

151
00:08:23,430 --> 00:08:25,421
<i>(Newscast in Arabic)</i>

152
00:08:27,830 --> 00:08:30,902
<i>(Hayley) "Hi, babe.</i>
<i>Thank you so much for your advice.</i>

153
00:08:30,950 --> 00:08:33,225
<i>"I got a job in a hotel called The Latimer.</i>

154
00:08:33,270 --> 00:08:37,263
<i>"It's really hard work and long hours,</i>
<i>but at least I'm going for it.</i>

155
00:08:37,310 --> 00:08:41,462
- <i>"Missing you loads. Play safel Hayley."</i>
- (Door slams)

156
00:08:42,910 --> 00:08:46,744
Michael! We've got so much to do
before Mary and Josh get here.

157
00:08:46,790 --> 00:08:50,021
The chicken needs marinading,
the living room needs vacuuming,

158
00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:54,143
and we've got to set up the Boggle.
And you're just sitting here, watching television.

159
00:08:54,190 --> 00:08:56,465
Foreign television!

160
00:08:56,510 --> 00:08:59,582
Well, it's good to get
a different perspective on the news.

161
00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:03,384
- But you don't speak the language.
- I pick up the odd word, you know.

162
00:09:03,430 --> 00:09:05,864
This chap's banging on about the jihad.

163
00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:07,901
How we're all infidels.

164
00:09:10,870 --> 00:09:12,701
Oh, no, it's sport.

165
00:09:12,750 --> 00:09:15,662
Michael, all you do these days
is mope around the house.

166
00:09:15,710 --> 00:09:18,178
I'm fine.

167
00:09:18,230 --> 00:09:22,223
Well...
Well, maybe I'm a bit worried about work.

168
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:25,262
You know, the whole Nokajima business.

169
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:28,939
I told you about Phil Benson
and the e-mail fiasco, didn't I?

170
00:09:28,990 --> 00:09:31,663
- Yes, twice.
- Well, you've got to laugh, haven't you?

171
00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:33,428
- No.
- Well...

172
00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:39,067
The thing is, old Nokajima is stopping over
in London for a couple of hours on Wednesday.

173
00:09:39,670 --> 00:09:43,060
I thought, for the good of the team,
maybe... maybe I should go down there.

174
00:09:43,110 --> 00:09:46,466
Press the flesh, mend a few fences.

175
00:09:46,510 --> 00:09:48,626
- And?
- Well, I should be back by five,

176
00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:51,742
but it might be nearer 12.

177
00:09:51,790 --> 00:09:54,020
You know what these Japanese are like!

178
00:09:54,070 --> 00:09:56,026
- What, scrupulously punctual?
- Yes,

179
00:09:56,070 --> 00:09:58,584
but if it drags on, I'll have to stay the course.

180
00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:03,260
I mean, if I just bugger off
I'll be showing him great dishonour.

181
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:05,141
What are you talking about?

182
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:08,500
We're dealing with a very... proud people here.

183
00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:11,223
You know, the etiquette, the manners.

184
00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:13,704
Samurai code.

185
00:10:14,270 --> 00:10:17,342
Any disrespect is unforgivable.

186
00:10:17,390 --> 00:10:25,707
Yakuza. You know, I wouldn't want to lose
a finger for bringing shame on... on his... tribe.

187
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:28,542
I'll go and set up the Boggle.

188
00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:53,261
The Latimer Hotel, please.

189
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:56,264
Well, you look like
a man in need of liquid refreshment.

190
00:10:56,310 --> 00:10:59,382
I am eager to iron out
some of the creases of the casualty insurance.

191
00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:01,705
Specifically the liability insurance.

192
00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:04,184
Are you? Me, too, yes!

193
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:07,620
The Latimer Hotel is the place for that.
It's got a great business centre.

194
00:11:07,670 --> 00:11:13,347
The secretary for financial services tells me
the exemption will increase market liquidity.

195
00:11:13,390 --> 00:11:18,305
Our latest projections suggest that a personal
umbrella liability policy may be inadequate.

196
00:11:18,350 --> 00:11:21,467
Should we be considering
a commercial general liability policy?

197
00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:27,221
Erm, quite possibly, although I think at this
meeting we should just try and get an overview.

198
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,945
A very general overview,
not get bogged down in specifics.

199
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:34,300
Oh, no, do not worry. I have specifics here.

200
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:36,823
Oh.

201
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,821
It's a cracking little hotel, this.

202
00:11:39,870 --> 00:11:41,861
A real find.

203
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:47,506
So, why don't we
plonk ourselves down in... the bar?

204
00:11:47,550 --> 00:11:49,859
And grab a cold one, relax.

205
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,902
We can get a corner table, get a bit of privacy.

206
00:11:55,590 --> 00:12:00,459
Actually, I prefer these intimate, tucked-away
places. You know, a bit more personal.

207
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,421
This is absolutely fine.

208
00:12:03,470 --> 00:12:07,349
Now, my team in Tokyo
is very happy with your company's reports.

209
00:12:07,390 --> 00:12:11,065
- Oh!
- I, however, have 18 problems with it.

210
00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:14,341
I have them on a spreadsheet.
Do you have Bluetooth?

211
00:12:15,390 --> 00:12:19,429
I think I'll just stick with the old blue Biro.

212
00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:25,181
I can always write the salient points down
on... on Josh Lewsey's shirt.

213
00:12:25,230 --> 00:12:27,664
Good afternoon. Would you like a drink?

214
00:12:27,710 --> 00:12:31,339
- A gin and tonic. Shall we make that two?
- That's very kind.

215
00:12:31,390 --> 00:12:33,267
- Have one for yourself.
- Thank you, sir.

216
00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:34,504
(Microsoft Windows opening tune)

217
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:37,508
So, tell me how you set
the penal sum for surety bonds?

218
00:12:37,550 --> 00:12:41,179
We don't want the... purpose of our bonds
to be rendered nugatory.

219
00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:46,020
No, no, we certainly don't.
That would be, erm... wrong.

220
00:12:46,070 --> 00:12:48,903
I think the best thing to do in this situation

221
00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:51,748
is if I liaise directly
with your finance director in Tokyo.

222
00:12:51,790 --> 00:12:54,065
I could not agree more.

223
00:12:54,110 --> 00:12:57,420
How did we get anything done
before videoconferencing, eh?

224
00:12:58,390 --> 00:13:00,745
- One minute.
- There you go.

225
00:13:00,790 --> 00:13:02,940
Oh, sorry, we didn't actually order...

226
00:13:05,110 --> 00:13:09,945
This is good, isn't it? You order a gin and tonic
and you get champagne.

227
00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:14,865
Oh, well... Oh, Champayne,
it's a champagne-flavoured drink.

228
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:18,107
Well, no, they're very good, some of these.
This is a...

229
00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:22,780
demi-sweet,
from a little vineyard in erm... Aberdeen.

230
00:13:22,830 --> 00:13:25,788
- Anything else, sir?
- No. No, that's fine.

231
00:13:26,750 --> 00:13:31,301
Although, is, erm, Hayley around today?

232
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:35,343
Hayley, yeah. But she's working.
She'll be finished in a couple of hours.

233
00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:38,348
Oh, if you could tell her Michael Price is here?

234
00:13:38,390 --> 00:13:40,460
Michael. Sure.

235
00:13:41,590 --> 00:13:45,629
She's an old friend. I suspect we'll be
a couple of hours, though, won't we?

236
00:13:45,670 --> 00:13:47,661
At least.

237
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:56,903
<i>Konnichiwa Price-san. We are also patching</i>
<i>this through to Düsseldorf, Rio and Cape Town.</i>

238
00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:04,389
<i>... leaving all such currency incontrovertible.</i>

239
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:08,343
<i>0n what ground</i>
<i>would the DTI repudiate such contracts?</i>

240
00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:12,110
Who knows what the future may bring?

241
00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:15,341
Destiny...

242
00:14:15,390 --> 00:14:21,340
Fate. The difference between
our dreams and our expectations.

243
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:24,506
I expect the Japanese have a word for that.

244
00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:27,303
- <i>No.</i>
- Right. Would...

245
00:14:27,350 --> 00:14:30,865
would anyone mind if I have a comfort break?

246
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:36,946
Oh, look, I've pulled the lead out.

247
00:14:36,990 --> 00:14:39,788
Oh, do not worry, I have 16 hours of battery.

248
00:14:44,990 --> 00:14:49,268
It's four o'clock. I wondered
if you'd had a chance to tell Hayley I was here?

249
00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:52,108
Oh, yeah, she's free. First floor, Room 7.

250
00:15:01,110 --> 00:15:02,589
Come in!

251
00:15:04,790 --> 00:15:06,542
- Hi.
- Hi!

252
00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:11,744
Gosh, look at you, working away there,
with your tins of Pledge and Mr Muscle and...

253
00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:15,705
wet, warming, intimate lubricant.

254
00:15:17,190 --> 00:15:19,181
And poppers.

255
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:22,267
So your new job isn't dissimilar to your old job?

256
00:15:22,310 --> 00:15:25,541
Oh, I'm so pleased to see you, Michael.

257
00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:27,467
I was hoping you'd come.

258
00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:31,184
So... how's London?

259
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:33,983
Oh, it's mental! Yeah, they all talk really funny!

260
00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:36,225
Oh, what, like "up the apples and pears" and?

261
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:38,261
No, Arabic.

262
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:40,585
Yes, we've...

263
00:15:41,710 --> 00:15:45,385
So, London, it's a big old place, isn't it?
Lots to see.

264
00:15:45,430 --> 00:15:48,342
Oh, I haven't really seen much.
I'm not really allowed out.

265
00:15:48,390 --> 00:15:50,381
But London's mental, though!

266
00:15:50,430 --> 00:15:53,866
- Well...
- I was gonna... Sorry.

267
00:15:53,910 --> 00:15:56,219
I just got to say I should probably be going.

268
00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:59,342
I was just passing by,
and haven't got much time, so, erm...

269
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:02,306
What were you going to say?

270
00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:04,341
Oh, I was just going to say, erm...

271
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:07,021
that I really miss you.

272
00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:10,028
- Really?
- Really.

273
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:19,389
So, London, is it very mental,
or ordinarily mental?

274
00:16:19,430 --> 00:16:21,227
Oh, well mental!

275
00:16:23,910 --> 00:16:26,663
So, basically I'm just here
holding Nokajima's hand.

276
00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:31,420
But what about you, Hayley? When will we
see you on TV? Have you been to any auditions?

277
00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:35,543
Oh, yeah, I got one next week. Well, it's more
a karaoke night in the pub round the corner.

278
00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:39,742
It's not a proper audition, but in London
you never know who'll be in the audience.

279
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:44,466
Well, it's a start. And you know what,
I bet you'll blow them all off that stage.

280
00:16:44,510 --> 00:16:47,388
If my singing's good enough
I might not have to!

281
00:16:49,270 --> 00:16:52,546
You know, I haven't been
totally honest with you, Hayley.

282
00:16:53,550 --> 00:16:56,508
I didn't really come here by accident.

283
00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:59,061
I sort of worked that out.

284
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:02,864
But there's something
I've wanted to... wanted to say to you,

285
00:17:02,910 --> 00:17:05,868
or have been meaning
to say to you for some time, but...

286
00:17:06,710 --> 00:17:09,941
It's a bit of a secret.
I've never found the right moment.

287
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:11,981
Don't tell me, let me guess.

288
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:14,146
Oh, this is so exciting.

289
00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:16,226
Are you a superhero?

290
00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:20,661
No! No, I don't think there are any superheroes.

291
00:17:20,710 --> 00:17:25,261
Oh, no, I don't mean with stupid powers
like flying, telepathy and geometry.

292
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:29,861
I just mean behind all the Michael stuff
I always thought there was someone else.

293
00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:32,902
Someone brave and, like, noble and kind,

294
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,501
who'd always be there for me.

295
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:37,541
Like a superhero.

296
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,740
Like my superhero.

297
00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:43,146
No, it's just plain old me, I'm afraid.

298
00:17:43,190 --> 00:17:46,899
Kryptonite doesn't kill me. Well, unless
it's in nuts, cos I'm allergic to them.

299
00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:51,068
I get anaphylactic shock
and my tongue swells up like... like a steak.

300
00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:54,307
No, I'm just... Clark Kent, I'm afraid.

301
00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:56,341
He was the sweet one.

302
00:18:02,030 --> 00:18:03,861
Hayley, I love you.

303
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:08,301
Oh, God, Michael, thank you,
no one's ever said that to me before.

304
00:18:08,350 --> 00:18:11,308
- I bet loads of men have said that.
- Loads of men have said it,

305
00:18:11,350 --> 00:18:13,500
but none of them have ever meant it.

306
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:15,700
Well, until now.

307
00:18:19,990 --> 00:18:23,824
Oh, I don't think I can do this right now,
Michael. Make love, I mean.

308
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:28,500
I'm ready, I'm finally ready, Hayley.
Darling, I want to make love to you.

309
00:18:28,550 --> 00:18:33,101
No, in about three minutes I've got to wrap
some sheikh in bacon and clingfilm.

310
00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:35,425
Oh. Ah, yes...

311
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:39,503
Of course. I should have... Silly me.

312
00:18:40,590 --> 00:18:45,300
Well, I'll...
I'll wait till the next perfect moment, then.

313
00:18:46,590 --> 00:18:49,741
- Where are my shoes?
- Michael, will you wait for me?

314
00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:51,781
Yes. Yes, of course I will.

315
00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:54,307
When are you free next?

316
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:57,501
- Tuesday.
- I... can't do Tuesday.

317
00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:02,184
But I'll be back. One day.

318
00:19:10,590 --> 00:19:14,299
- Sorry, mate, just leaving, are you?
- Yes, I was just on my way out.

319
00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:16,864
I don't think so, mate.
You've been in with Hayley?

320
00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:20,949
Yes. Oh, no, I just popped in to say hello,
as an old friend of hers. Didn't do anything.

321
00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:24,620
Yeah, I'd forgotten how this works.

322
00:19:31,590 --> 00:19:33,581
How dare you?

323
00:19:33,990 --> 00:19:36,629
That's my little princess in there. My little girl.

324
00:19:36,670 --> 00:19:40,299
You think I'd let you buy her for 120 quid?
You're having a George, ain't you?

325
00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:43,467
- Your daughter?
- She's everything I live for.

326
00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:46,741
You think I'm going to let
a piece of scum like you use her

327
00:19:46,790 --> 00:19:48,781
for anything less than a grand?

328
00:19:48,830 --> 00:19:50,661
A grand? £1,000?

329
00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:52,826
I don't have £1,000.

330
00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:57,386
- There's a bureau de change round the corner.
- That's just for her. There's also the drinks bill.

331
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,785
Six bottles of champagne,
eighteen hundred quid.

332
00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:01,707
Plus three grand for your friend.

333
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:03,741
My friend?

334
00:20:04,950 --> 00:20:07,180
More horse! More horse!

335
00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:09,619
Oh, my mistake. Five grand for your friend.

336
00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:13,583
(Nokajima) Ooh, ooh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh...

337
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,621
<i>Ride, Nokajima, ridel</i>

338
00:20:21,230 --> 00:20:23,585
OK, mate. Have a good evening.

339
00:20:24,510 --> 00:20:26,501
Thanks.

340
00:20:34,910 --> 00:20:37,549
- Michael.
- Hayley.

341
00:20:38,830 --> 00:20:42,539
I want to go home. Can I come with you?

342
00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:44,387
Yes!

343
00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:46,421
Of course.

344
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:52,707
What about your friend?

345
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,741
Oh, I think he's staying.

346
00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:58,949
(Nokajima) Krakatoa!

347
00:21:08,150 --> 00:21:10,141
Thanks, Michael.

348
00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:12,226
You see, you are a hero.

349
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:15,819
- Saved me.
- So, what are you going to do now?

350
00:21:15,870 --> 00:21:20,466
To be honest, I'm pretty knackered. I just want
to go home, get out of these clothes,

351
00:21:20,510 --> 00:21:22,546
have a soak in the bath and then go clubbing.

352
00:21:22,590 --> 00:21:25,388
Well, see you around, then, Hayley.

353
00:21:25,430 --> 00:21:27,625
Yeah. I'll see you soon, babe.

354
00:21:32,510 --> 00:21:34,501
Ann.

355
00:21:35,630 --> 00:21:37,780
My real name is Ann.

356
00:22:02,830 --> 00:22:06,266
- So, how was London?
- London was... was mental.

357
00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:12,382
I, er... Pricey, though.
Had a couple of drinks in a bar.

358
00:22:12,430 --> 00:22:14,819
Ooh, you'll never guess how much they cost.